


I’m here, Oikawa

by ToruOikxwa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:21:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToruOikxwa/pseuds/ToruOikxwa
Summary: Iwaizumi has been in love with Oikawa for years, but he was certain his childhood  friend did not feel the same way. Maybe it was time to try and move on. He needed to know how Oikawa felt, but he was certain he didn’t feel the same. Right?Based on my own Instagram AU
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 36





	I’m here, Oikawa

Oikawa was surprised when his name was called to collect the award for ‘best middle school setter in the Miyagi Prefecture’. He had honestly expected it to go to Kageyama - even though he was only a first year - as he already showed more promise than Oikawa ever had. He had worked long and hard for this, so he was happy and proud that his efforts had been recognised.

“You actually look genuinely happy for once.” Iwaizumi observed as his childhood friend smiled down at the small plaque in his hands.

“Of course I’m happy.” Oikawa snipped back, as if that should have been obvious - and it was but Iwaizumi knew all too well how Oikawa usually didn’t appreciate things that he had in front of him, and how he was always striving to do even better; to achieve as much as possible. Oikawa looked over at Iwaizumi, and smiled contently, pulling a confused look for the slightly older boy. “Thank you, Iwa-Chan.” He stated simply.

The statement just confused Iwaizumi further, “What for?” He asked, hoping for an answer that made sense.

“Always being here.” The setter responded truthfully. Iwaizumi didn’t understand why Oikawa felt the need to thank him, it was a given that he’d be there for him. They were best friends after all. They had been for as long as both of them could remember. It was a stupid thanks.

“Of course I’m here, dumbass.” Iwaizumi responded. “I always will be too.”

“You promise?”

“Yes. Now stop acting nice. It’s weird.”

On that day, Iwaizumi made a promise to Oikawa. A promise that he would always be there - through the good and the bad. A promise that he never thought he’d need to make. But it was one that he fully intended to keep, no matter what they were going through. A little bit of doubt resided in the back of Oikawa's mind, though. He knew Iwaizumi was too good for him, and one day Iwa-Chan would figure it out too. But, for now, keeping hold of that promise was enough.

***

Three years passed and the promise that Iwaizumi made back in middle school still resonated with them both. He had always stuck to it even when Oikawa didn’t want him there, but it still always upset Iwaizumi when Oikawa would tell him to leave. He felt unwanted. He loved Oikawa, but he hated how the guy made him feel sometimes. 

It hurt to see Oikawa like this. Tears streamed down his cheeks and he was clearly trying to hide his face. Something had happened to him. Someone had done something to him. “Oikawa? What happened to you?” Iwaizumi asked, concern resonating in his voice. 

“Go away.” Oikawa insisted. “Leave me alone. I want to be alone.” His arms were raised to cover his face and he refused to allow Iwaizumi to pull them down.

“Is that really what you want?” The older boy asked, not wanting to leave him, but feeling like he shouldn’t stay somewhere he’s not wanted.

“Yes.”

Iwaizumi sighed and turned to leave. “Okay then.” He said simply as Oikawa watched him walk away. 

What hurt most for both of them was that this was the first time Iwaizumi had decided to listen to Oikawa and leave him alone, even though he was sobbing and couldn’t stop. He couldn’t figure out what was wrong with this childhood friend of his, and the guy didn’t seem to want to tell him. Not this time anyway. 

Iwaizumi was in love with Oikawa, he always had been. But Oikawa seemed to keep trying to push him away. No matter what it was, he refused to let him in anymore. There was never a problem in the past. When they were kids, Oikawa would run to Iwaizumi when he was upset - he’d always depended on him. Recently, though, it was becoming more and more obvious that Oikawa was trying to shut him out. Like he no longer wanted him around. Iwaizumi couldn’t help but think that maybe it was time to try and move on. You can only resist so much when someone asks you to leave that many times. 

Oikawa’s heart felt heavy as he pushed Iwaizumi away for the hundredth time. He didn’t feel like it was fair for him to deal with all of his problems, and he assumed that Iwaizumi felt the same way. Of course he didn’t  _ actually  _ want Iwaizumi to go, but what choice did he have? As much as he always told Oikawa he’d be by his side forever, one day Iwaizumi would have a wife, and a family of his own. Oikawa couldn’t believe that Iwaizumi would still be there when this happened. So he should get used to this now, right? He should send Iwaizumi away for  _ his  _ benefit, right? This was better for both of them… right?

***

Since that day, Iwaizumi was keeping his distance from Oikawa, trying to urge himself to move on. Oikawa fully didn’t understand what was happening, and why Iwaizumi wouldn’t even look at him anymore. Yeah, he was the one who pushed Iwaizum away, but surely the latter understood that he didn’t mean for things to change this much.

The last straw for him was after a practice match that they played. They won in straight sets, but Iwaizumi didn’t even attempt to make eye contact, or come over to him and celebrate as usual. He just stared forward at the net in front of him, as if he was contemplating his entire life. “Good job out there today, captain.” He said blandly, then headed to the locker rooms to wash up without even glancing at Oikawa. That was the point that he decided to confront Iwaizumi on it during evening practice.

Oikawa approached Iwaizumi in his usual cheery demeanor, “Iwa-Chan!” Iwaizumi ignored him. Oikawa frowned, and changed his tone. “Iwa-Chan? Do you have a problem with me?”

The ace snapped, as if he had been bottling this up for a long time. “What do you want from me?” He asked, desperate for an answer. He didn’t care that everyone else had now stopped practice in order to witness the argument unfold. “You wanted me to leave you alone, so I did. And now you don’t so I’m just supposed to come crawling back like I always do? I’m sick of your games.”

“Iwa-chan...”The setter started softly, before being interrupted.

“Just don’t. Don’t start. It’s not fair Oikawa.” Iwaizumi lowered his voice slightly and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing as he did. “Please just decide what you want. Don’t talk to me until you do. I can’t do _ this  _ anymore.” He turned his back to the taller boy and walked away, collecting his things and leaving practice early.

‘Decide what you want’? The words replayed in Oikawa’s mind as he walked home from practice alone. Over and over again they repeated. It felt like such a simple question. Iwa-chan is what he wanted, of course. But is that what he meant by saying that? Oikawa honestly didn’t know if Iwaizumi was awaiting a confession of some form or not. He dismissed the idea of that almost instantly. That couldn’t be what he had meant. Oikawa couldn’t believe that that was what he meant. He probably just meant for Oikawa to decide if he wanted Iwaizumi around - of course he did, how could that even be a question? He needed Iwaizumi. He wanted him. 

The two avoided each other as much as they could for the next few weeks. Iwaizumi would walk away as soon as he saw Oikawa. Still nervously awaiting an answer he was unsure about. And Oikawa avoided Iwaizumi as he still wasn’t sure he had the right one.

***

Two long weeks passed since Iwaizumi lost it at Oikawa after practice, and Oikawa still had no clue what he had meant when he said “decide what you want”. He wanted Iwa-Chan. But he was certain that the guy didn’t feel the same, and he would rather keep his best friend than risk losing him forever. That’s what he wanted. His best friend back. This was the longest they had ever gone without speaking, and Oikawa was done with it. He wanted to tell Iwaizumi that he wanted his friend back, and so he decided that that would be what he did today. 

“Tooru.” A familiar voice from down the hall called him. Oikawa turned and smiled at his friend. This was the first time Iwaizumi had initiated, or even allowed, a conversation in the past few weeks, and it felt right. “I need to tell you something. Come with me.”

“Of course, Iwa-Chan!” Oikawa beamed, just happy to be around Hajime again. He followed the smaller boy to a private area, slightly confused about what was happening. 

Iwaizumi stopped and turned to Oikawa. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, and was averting his gaze. “Tooru. I-“ He hesitated. “I have been in love with you for years. I want to take you on a date.” It wasn’t exactly how Iwaizumi had wanted to say it, but he was glad he had. He had intended to tell Oikawa for some time, but after he lost it at him, he wanted to give his friend a bit of time to think about things before he said anything. 

The confession took Oikawa by surprise. He had already made the decision that he would accept the fact that they’d forever be friends and nothing more, and so it was not what he was expecting and he panicked, and started laughing. “Don’t be silly, Iwa-Chan!” He was certain that this was a joke. It was a cruel joke if it was, but he couldn’t be being serious. Iwaizumi wasn’t gay. “We can’t date. It’s not right.” He said, positive that this was the right move. But when Iwaizumi’s face sank, Oikawa realised the mistake he had made. 

“I guess that’s my answer...” He responded timidly - a tone that he had never used before, turning himself and walking away before Oikawa could see him start to cry. Oikawa wanted to stop him, but his body froze, and he couldn’t do anything. 

The mistake had been made. And Oikawa suddenly didn’t know what to do to make this right. So he just stood in the empty hallway, even long after Iwaizumi had left. He stood there until students started walking past him, and he snapped out of his trance.

Iwaizumi didn’t show up for practice after school, and that’s when Oikawa truly knew he had fucked up. Part of him had still suspected that it was all a joke before this, but this made it feel all that more real.

***

**3 years later**

“Tooru Oikawa, do you take Hajime Iwaizumi to be your lawful wedded husband? In sickness and in health. As long as you both shall live?”

“I do.” 

“Hajime Iwaizumi, do you take Tooru Oikawa to be your lawful wedded husband? In sickness and in health. As long as you both shall live?”

“I do.”

The ceremony was small. Only close friends, and their parents invited. It was perfect. Iwaizumi smiled at Oikawa, and the latters heart raced. Even after all this time, Iwaizumi could still change Oikawa's mood in an instant, without even trying. This moment was a good one. One that he would hold onto forever.

The reception was bigger. A lot bigger. Despite this, it was also perfect. As they entered the hall, Oikawa picked up on things all around him. The twinkling fairy lights. The cake that stood two grooms on top. And there was a dance floor set up for the two of them. Oikawa didn’t know how to dance, but Iwaizumi did. And he was happy to allow his new husband to lead.

They sat down for their meal before dancing, and it was delicious. A perfect meal, and there was yet to be anything that could ruin the day - Oikawa was expecting  _ something  _ to go wrong. Their first dance was amazing too. Oikawa didn’t even hear the music, he was so lost in the closeness of Iwaizumi. The smell of Iwaizumi was almost overwhelming. He always smelt like the refreshing earthy scent when it rains, this was something Oikawa had first noticed in high school and he loved that he could just lean against Iwaizumi and smell this now. Being here with him almost felt unreal.

Being carried into their room that night was slightly shocking. Iwaizumi was shorter than him, but there’s no way Iwa-Chan would let Oikawa carry him like a new bride, so he had lifted Oikawa before the taller of the two had had the opportunity to attempt. But Oikawa didn’t mind. It was nice to be held this way. 

Iwaizumi threw Oikawa on the bed and took off his blazer, stood silently contemplating a question. I probably wasn’t the best time to bring it up, but he had to know. “Why did you think I was joking when I confessed three years ago?” He asked as he hung up his jacket on a hanger that was hung over the closet door.

“Iwa-Chan...” Oikawa spoke softly, reaching forward to grip Iwaizumi’s hand. 

Oikawa's eyes snapped open and all he could see was black. His room was always this dark at 4am, even when the sun rose early in summer. And it had been three years today when he had stupidly rejected Iwaizumi. Oikawa sat up and combed his fingers through his hair. He looked around his room to make sure he was alone, and of course he was. Just once he wished his dream ended at a better point than that. He’d had that dream hundreds of times, and the hurt that was in Iwaizumi’s voice at the end of it still stuck with him. “I miss you…” Oikawa whispered, speaking to no one. Three years today. Three long years.

***

Three years was a long time. Long enough for someone to get over a stupid crush, right? So this had to be more than that. Oikawa hadn’t gone back to sleep after the dream, he rarely did. He hadn’t had a good night's sleep since before that day. 

It was raining, but Oikawa wanted the walk. He always needed to think in the open air before this. He also always wore the blue tshirt with a small alien on the left of the chest that Iwaizumi had gotten him for his birthday in their third year, mere weeks before they had argued. It felt respectful to wear it. And it was his favourite. It couldn’t really be seen today though, as he was wearing Iwaizumi’s grey hoodie over it due to the cold. It was the one he had left in his locker that day. 

“Hey, Iwa-Chan.” Oikawa started. He still spoke to him weekly, and it no longer felt awkward. “It’s hard to believe that it’s been three years already.” The cemetery was quiet. It felt better that way. “Do you mind if I sit?” He requested, hoping for an answer. He knew one wasn’t coming. Oikawa sat himself on the damp grass, and leant against the headstone that read ‘Hajime Iwaizumi. Beloved Son, Brother, and Friend.’ It was so simple and basic. And Oikawa hated it. It didn’t do Iwaizumi justice. “I’m sorry.” He said, a small set of tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. 

He sighed into himself. He said this every time he was here, but he always felt the need to repeat it. “I shouldn’t have laughed. You wouldn’t have walked away if I had been honest.” He still blamed himself for what had happened. If he had been honest, Iwaizumi would have come to practice after school instead of rushing home. He wouldn’t have been there when that car swerved into the wall, trapping Iwaizumi between the two objects, which is what had caused the internal bleeding and the loss of blood.

“I’m angry at you as well though, you know.” Oikawa stated, no longer able to slow the tears that were falling. He was an ugly crier, but he could never bring himself to care here. “You made me a promise, Iwa-Chan.” He explained. “You promised you would always be here for me. And I really need you now.” He sighed, pulling his knees closer to him and leaning his head against the gravestone. “I get the test results back today.” There was a brief pause, almost as if Oikawa was leaving space for Iwaizumi to respond. “Maybe I’ll be joining you soon.” He chuckled nervously. 

Oikawa placed his forehead on his knees which were now curled into his chest. “Why aren’t you here, Hajime? I need you.” He whispered, feeling more alone now than ever. Yes, he had Matsukawa and Hanamaki. But it wasn’t the same.

Oikawa didn’t know, but Iwaizumi was always watching over him, now included. Oikawa couldn’t see him, but of course he was there. Tooru needed him. And Hajime always kept his promises.

***

**2 years later**

“This feels wrong. It’s way too soon.” Makki seemed very level headed, as opposed to usual when he was all over the place. The room had a dull atmosphere that didn’t really suit the moment well. It felt bland. 

Oikawa smiled over at his friends who were sitting next to his bed. “It’s okay, Makki-chan. It’s fate.” Oikawa looked thin. His eyes were hollow, and his hair was flat. It couldn’t be more obvious that he was suffering with something. All he had asked for today was Hanimaki and Matsukawa to be here with him. They both knew the end was coming for their friend, but it didn’t feel right.

When Oikawa first told them he was sick, they didn’t believe him. It was just after the third anniversary of Iwaizumi’s death so they thought he was suicidal. They both agreed to keep a close eye on him, which they did, but they watched as he clearly grew more and more ill. And all of a sudden, it was a reality. Oikawa was going to die, and there was nothing they could do. “What are you thinking about Mattsun-Chan?” Oikawa interrupted his thoughts.

“Honestly?” Oikawa nodded, urging the honesty. “I was trying to figure out what point I realised you weren’t lying about being ill.” He chuckled, and the other two followers his lead. They talked about Oikawa’s family and how they should be here too, but Oikawa begged the two of them to not tell his mom that he had been ill so long. He’d never admitted it to her because he didn’t want her to drop everything just to tend to him. They agreed to not call her until after Oikawa had passed. He had already signed the DNR, so it was just a waiting game now. 

It was a peaceful afternoon, and Oikawa fell asleep easily. “Oi, Shittykawa.” That voice. Suddenly Oikawa felt stronger - stronger than he’d felt in years. His head snapped towards where he heard the words he had been dying to hear again for almost five years now.

A familiar face smiled at him from the end of his bed. “Iwa-chan?” Oikawa asked sincerely. And as the figure nodded at him, tears streamed down his face.

Iwaizumi opened his arms towards Oikawa. “Come on Tooru. I know you’ve been waiting for this for five years.” Oikawa smiled, feeling overwhelmed, and launched himself into Iwaizumi, wrapping both his awms and his legs around the guy. And he felt the warmth. He could feel Iwa-Chan's arms around him, holding him up. It was real. He was finally able to hold the one he loved again. “I was always there.” Iwaizumi whispered in his ears. “You couldn’t see me. But I was there. I keep my promises.”

Tears were streaming down both of their cheeks. It was a long awaited reunion. “I’ve missed you Iwa-chan. I’ve missed you so much.” Oikawa nuzzled into Iwaizumi’s neck, and the latter took one final look over the room, saying a mental goodbye and a final thank you to his two friends that had looked after the love of his life all these years. He then walked out of the room, and down the halway, towards the light. Oikawa kept a hold of Iwaizumi. 

He kept his face tucked into Iwaizumi’s neck as they walked away from the sound of a flatline and the quiet sobs of Matsukawa and Hanamaki. “Take me home Iwa-Chan.” He requested as they were walking further from the sound.

“You’ll finally be able to get everything you deserve, Tooru.” He spoke back, calmly. 

“And I’ll get to have you with me.” Oikawa responded, contently. 

He squeezed Oikawa tightly as they walked through the double doors into the light.

They could finally be together. Together for the rest of time. They had waited for this long enough.

They could finally be happy.


End file.
